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The Rules of Grammar

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying assonance*
7. Be more or less specific
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies
10. No sentence fragments
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous
14. One should never generalise
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés
16. Don't use no double negatives forever
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake
20. The passive voice is to be ignored
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice
23. Kill all exclamation marks!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: "Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly."
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
    
    And finally...
     
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out

*ps thanks to the person who left feedback pointing out that alliteration involves consonants and assonance involves vowels, thus enabling me to correct number six!  I'd thank you by name, but you chose to remain anonymous.

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page last updated 26 Mrz 2007

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